Fumbling towards Ecstasy
by brightspark
Summary: SeiferxSquall. The way to finding something amazing. Squall POV. Heavy kissing, etc in here. Not NC17 though.


_Note: Inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song, "fumbling towards ecstasy". That song belongs to her, not me.  
_

Seifer's body presses mine into the wall, his mouth hungry on mine, his eyes closed. His cheeks are just slightly flushed, the arms he wrapped tightly around me a moment ago just a little desperate. I kiss him back, just as hungry, yearning for and needing him. Once we had made each other feel alive just by fighting, but from the moment his lips touched mine for the first time, I knew that fighting wasn't going to be enough. This was what we needed from each other.

It started innocently, this evening, trying to straighten out the situation between us. I'm not sure how we got here, how he got me against the wall, how he came to be kissing me, all I know is that it feels like heaven, and after wanting it so long, I expected no less.

I don't fear what I feel for him any more. There was once a time when I would have been afraid of it - afraid of the closeness, of the need for more that rushes through me, heating my blood. But I'm not afraid, couldn't be afraid now. My heart beats faster and faster as his tongue slips into my mouth, his body pressing me back, demanding of me, but also, in some way, freeing me from responsibility.

I don't care. I want him, and that is what is important.

His mouth trails hot kisses down my neck, nips and bites and sucks to mark me as his. And that, I don't mind, even though he draws back, his eyes questioning.

I don't mind belonging, now. At least, not to him. I would never like being a possession of Rinoa's, but to be with Seifer... I would tolerate a lot from Seifer. And I'm not afraid that he'll smother me, because I know he won't. He isn't that type, and nor am I.

And yet... I won't hide my feelings from him. They call me ice, but that's not right, I'm simply caged, my emotions held back for a time when they're more appropriate. Now seems perfectly appropriate to me as his leg parts mine, his mouth on mine again.

"Squall," He whispers, his voice thick, one hand going through my hair as he pulls back, his height meaning he looks down at me slightly.

"Seifer," I say, just in reply, and his hand slips from my hair to cup my cheek.

"This is okay, right?" He's almost panting, his soft heavy breaths making his chest rise and fall faster than usual. I can see his heart beating, making him tremble a little with it's quick, strong beat. I press my hand against the center point of that heart beat, feeling his life thump beneath my fingers.

In all the years I've known him before this, I've never known him to ask. He takes, that's his nature, and yet he stops to ask now, for me? It's a thought that might make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, if I weren't so focused on other things.

"You're stopping this to ask that?" My voice doesn't hold any particular stress, but he smirks and drags me close again, his kiss fierce and possessive. I wrap my arms round him, let him pull me tighter to him.

"Squall Leonhart," He says, and his voice is husky, as he kisses me again almost desperately. "You are my undoing."

I don't fear this. I don't fear the way he holds me, or the look in his eyes, or the knowledge of the hidden undercurrent of feelings I am sure we both share. Together, we are fumbling, with our emotions, with the moment, trying to work out what the hell is going on. And I won't hide anything from him - I owe this, to him and to myself.

"Seifer," My voice is soft but certain, my hands on his arms, head tipped back the little bit I need to see his face while I still press against him. I fumble for words, fight for the right thing to say, and finally, the pure and simple truth blurts out of my mouth. "I love you."

He doesn't seem to mind my bluntness. He kisses me again, tender but still hungry, a yearning kiss that leaves something aching and hollow in my chest. "I never thought I'd hear you say that... to anyone."

"I was scared," I say, and that's all I need to say, and we both know it. He pushes me back against the wall again, his mouth meeting mine softly, the kiss deepening.

"Chased away the Leonhart demons now?" He asks, pulling back, his smirk showing in the darkening room. Twilight falls around us as he holds me.

"I hope so. Stopped dreaming now?"

"Yeah," And his voice is hardly a breath in my ear, his arms wrapping round me tightly again, near crushing me to him. "I don't need to dream when I've got my romantic dream right here in my arms."

That simple statement is almost - just almost - enough to make me want to cry. It strikes me dumb, and I stand in his embrace until he chuckles softly, his lips finding mine for a soft kiss. "Leonhart, the look on your face... almost as if you honestly do feel and you're not a chunk of ice." And there's teasing in his voice now.

"I do feel, always have," I assure him, kissing back. "It's just that I'm not hiding it anymore."

"Good," He says, and his mouth is kissing along my jaw, and he nips lightly at the softer skin under my chin. "Because I don't do telepathy."

And somehow, I have the urge to laugh, and it comes out as a soft chuckle. And then we're both laughing, until he silences me with a kiss.

"Maybe coming back to Garden was a better idea than I thought, though it took time for some things to hot up around here," He says, his voice rough with desire.

"I thought," I say, slyly, "That I have always looked hot in leather." He chuckles again, quietly, and it's my turn to silence him with a kiss, leaning back against the wall and pulling him against me.

"Don't get cocky." He says, but the look in his eyes and the rough sound of his voice are enough to assure me that I'm right. And then, his soft afterthought, "I think you'd look even better if we got the leather off you." And then his hands are my belts, fumbling as he kisses me, leading the way towards ecstasy.


End file.
